suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
