Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
