The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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