You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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