ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
