we have pet lesbian snakes
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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