She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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