do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
