hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
