I cut my penus on the lid.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
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Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
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I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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