My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
