i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
