This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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