I got chris browned last night
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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