i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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