trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
