Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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