it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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