not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
