Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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