just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Non-Jews are for practice
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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