Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
