i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
