Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
