Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
