I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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