hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
