I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
