you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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