Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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