Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
