His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
