4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
