I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
