oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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