my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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