i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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