direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
