Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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