He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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