I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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