You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
