Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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