i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
