i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
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I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
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im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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