feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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