WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
