I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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