I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
