3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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