Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
