So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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