even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
