I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i already hear my dad disowning me
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
