DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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