Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
