If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
soo... how was my night?
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