I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
