Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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