i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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