First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Drunk is not a location!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
