she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
