just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
