wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
