when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
