Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
