theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
